I had this vision of Spring Break that was full of adventure and fun. I had plotted out activities we’d undertake each day. I got all crafty and wrote out a card that said, “Spring Break Day #1” on the outside with our first fun activity on the inside, and pinned it to the bulletin board. The kids got home from school, so excited, loved the card, and I felt like YES! I GOT THIS! We may not be going anywhere fancy, but I’m sure going to give them a Spring Break to remember!
And then the vomit started.
I’ll spare the details, but I can sum it up by sharing that I was THISCLOSE to just chucking (pun intended) the couch out the front door. Movie night and sleepover in the living room turned into kids sleeping on the floor close to the bathroom, with towels and bucket all over the place.
Those cute Spring Break cards I made? I never got past day one.
As disappointing as it was to not be partaking in any grand adventure, I have been grateful that I am in a position to be home with my kids when they need me. Working from home has its advantages, and this is one of them. I was able to put work aside when my kids needed me, and not have to worry about calling in to work, missing a day of pay, finding childcare if I wasn’t able to get someone to cover my shift…
But it wasn’t easy. Balance is never easy.
I have been juggling all week. Taking turns between comforting a sick child, working on client projects, cleaning up after sick kids, laundry…
It hasn’t stopped.
24 hours of non-stop caregiving, because of course most of the fun parts of this illness have happened at night. Crying out of exhaustion because of a pretty long to-do list with deadlines that are creeping closer quicker than I’d like, but it’s midnight and there are three kids laying on top of me.
I want to put my laptop away, ignore those deadlines, and hold them close, comforting them.
I want to find that balance.
I want to be a mom who is present, patient, and kind. I want to be an attentive wife who isn’t quick to snap when she’s frustrated. I want to be a perfect housekeeper who always has the dishes done and a home cooked meal ready for every meal. I want to be a successful business owner who brings in amazing clients doing work that I love.
Even on the days where I somehow start to find a way to balance it all…somebody throws up all over me and I have to shift my plans. Whether it’s literally or figuratively.
Balance. Some days balance just means that I remain upright and make it through the day.
It’s that perfectionist in me. Trying to be everything for everybody at all times.
So putting that goals of balance aside, and focusing on my reason for everything – these little people who need me. And maybe that’s really what balance is all about. Just being able to prioritize and be who you need to be in that moment. And this moment, I’m diving deep into mom-duty, and feeling grateful for the exhaustion and the struggle.
And hey, there’s always next Spring Break!